Mama On the Go

Even though the Boogeyman is not real, the fear is

jadesmith — Fri, 23 Sep 2011 19:29:48 +0000

There’s No Boogeyman

It is natural for a child to have fears. There are so many things in the world that they have not been exposed to. However, there are some irrational and imaginary fears that can be conquered by the parents at a young age.

There’s a story I once heard of a little girl’s grandmother telling her she shouldn’t go upstairs to get her doll because the Boogeyman might get her. Hypothetically, why did this grandmother even mention something like that? The little girl wasn’t afraid of the Boogeyman before this situation, so did the grandmother instill in her that there’s something to be afraid of if she goes upstairs on her own? Just food for thought.

It’s natural for a child to fear the dark. It’s beneficial to have some sort of nightlight or let them sleep with their door open. (One study though has reported that the extended use of nightlights will increase the likelihood of your child becoming near-sighted in the future.)

When a child goes from a crib to a toddler bed, they can be especially fearful, though excited, that they are now in a “big bed.” But the fear may come that there’s no longer the security of the bars to keep them from rolling out. They may develop the fear that something like a monster is living under their bed that only comes out in the dark or perhaps even in their closet. At this transitional time, sit down with your child and just be aware that they may have new fears. Ensure them by letting them peak under the bed with you or take a look in the closet. These are all effects of a child’s vivid imagination.

Children can also pick up fears from their peers. They see one child that’s afraid of spiders and screams and runs away, they may mimic their behavior. The next time they see a spider, they may have the same fear and want to flee or freak out. Fear then becomes a conditioned cognitive behavior.

If your child shows fear, don’t encourage it. If you show a negative reaction to something, they are bound to subconsciously develop the same fear. Be understanding and don’t scold. Demonstrate positive coping yourself as a role model and show them that there is nothing to be afraid of. If they see that you are not afraid, it will build their confidence that they don’t have anything to fear either. Reward them for not being afraid and show encouragement and praise when they cope rather than try to run away from it. Keep calm and make conquering their fears a settling experience.

Lastly, do not become frustrated with your child and their fears. It is a negative behavior and it will have even more negative effects on them. They may be afraid to come to you when they are fearful and this is detrimental in their trust in you. Remember, even though the Boogeyman is not real, the fear is.

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Do you find that your child knows more about your smart phone than you do?

jadesmith — Fri, 23 Sep 2011 19:27:19 +0000

Do you find that your child knows more about your smart phone than you do? When I got a brand new phone, I felt like I need to rent a teenager to teach me how to run it.
I think of how my grandparents grew up, sometimes with outhouses and no telephones or air conditioning and I think to myself, how in the world do you cope? I find myself being extremely connected to the world through my gadgets. When my cell phone or laptop go down, I almost go into orbit not knowing what to do.
Let’s take a minute and think about the affects like this are comparable in children. Who would have ever thought a teenager would carry a $300 phone? Is there a need for it? However, with everyone being busy and being connected, not having a cell phone is almost like being picked last for the dodgeball team. Now, a $300 phone is a bit on the ridiculous side but since kids are busy with their own schedules, they become easier to keep track of and you can check in on them when they’re out and about doing other things.
Kids today are so attached to the computer, our grandparents would roll over in their graves. Social networking sites such as Facebook are a good way to keep friends connected. Even teachers use Facebook in their classrooms, communicating with their child. It’s like technology is encouraged. Back in the day, you could survive high school without a computer. You could just do your assignment on a typewriter and use regular reference books out of the library. Not now. Now you need a computer WITH Internet. High schoolers have to have the instant access to online information and databases just to complete their assignments.
Back in the day, it was cool just to send an instant message. Now texting has taken over the world and completely replacing normal face-to-face conversation. A child could once be entertained with a ball, now it takes a musical little toy that wiggles and shakes and lights up. Older kids act like it’s uncool to ride a bike. They’d rather have their friends over to play the latest video game on one of their three gaming systems. Cars come equipped with Blu-Ray players just to keep a kid entertained on a two hour car ride. They don’t care about the scenery outside their window.
Is technology taking over our children? It certainly has made an impact on our lives, probably making us a little bit lazier and requiring up-to-date, modern gadgets to entertain ourselves. But, the way I look at it, I’m afraid there’s no turning back. Will we someday roll over in our graves if we were to know the technological advances that are now unforeseen to us?
It’s important as a family for mom and dad to quit using technology as a constant babysitter. Great parenting starts with activities and vacations that create memories and take a step out of the tether that technology has on us.

Is Your Child Uncoordinated? Improving Motor Skills

jadesmith — Thu, 22 Sep 2011 19:02:19 +0000

Does your child have problems holding a pencil? Or catching or throwing a ball? Or just are klutzy when walking? You’re not bad at parenting. There’s nothing different you could have done. Delaying of motor skills “just is.” So don’t worry about it too much just yet. It’s not funny, they don’t intend to do it, and it can be solved. It just takes a lot of work and practice to develop to get their brain and hands or feet to working all at the same level without delay.
Motor skills, which involve the use of certain muscles in combination with a sensory processing issue in their nervous system, just haven’t developed as quickly yet. It’s best to start addressing these issues at a young age so they can begin to catch up to others in their age category. The older they get, the more embarrassing and hindering it can become as well as lower their self-esteem. There are ways to improve their motor skills and functionality as well as being fun for your child. Certain exercises and activities will help improve strength, dexterity and motor skills.
First off, consider taking your child to see an occupational or physical therapist. As a professional that often see cases of this, they can evaluate and assess your child’s current skills and come up with ways to help you fine tune and improve the level of motor skills that already exist. They will offer a number of suggestions and many of them are very simple to take on.
With the development of technology, many toys can help to improve a child’s fine motor skills. Playing board games, requiring your child to spin the wheel or move tiny pieces also helps them. Try using remote control toys and video games to help strengthen their skills.
Aside from toys, other objects help them learn to draw and color steadily to improve their skills. You can also work on daily tasks such as tying shoes, buttoning buttons, zipping zippers, , using keys and locks. Any sort of scribbling can help them just to adjust to learning how to grip. Along those lines, cut snowflakes using scissors, work puzzles or fold paper into origami shapes. These activities are more complex allowing your child to gain even better use of their hands.
As far as walking and running, just keep working with them at it. Play catch, try to walk on a board like a balance beam, kick a ball around, shoot baskets, ride a bike. Numerous activities can help improve your child’s skills as long as you keep working at it.
Don’t distress. This is not a quick process. Be patient and encouraging with your child. Try not to get frustrated. Constant exercise of these activities will help develop the foundation that is essential to your child’s livelihood.

Youngsters Playing Team Sports: It’s all about confidence.

jadesmith — Wed, 21 Sep 2011 19:32:31 +0000

Youngsters Playing Team Sports

Can you believe they went from rolling over to crawling to walking to running and now they’re growing up so fast to the point that they can play soccer or football or basketball? Or whatever sport of your choice.

Sometimes parents are hesitant to get their child involved in an athletic at such an early age. Maybe it could be because they don’t want them to feel a sense of failure if they don’t win. Mom, that’s not such a bad thing. It could be the fact too that you’re afraid your child will get hurt. Don’t let them live in a bubble for fear of that. There is too much they can learn by participating in a team sport.

Not only does the child begin to learn the sport, which at a young age is not that big of a deal, but they learn what it is like to be a member of a team. They gain a sense of belonging and develop sometimes long-lasting friendships with their peers. Sometimes these teams are even co-ed. This gives them a sense to befriend and play together with both boys and girls.

Who cares if they aren’t very athletic? Give them a chance and if they start to not like it, at least they tried. It will help them to develop their motor skills through the coordination they learn in order to play the sport. Also, with a coach giving directions, they will be better at following them. No matter what age, a child aims to please, both coaches and parents. When they’re young, it doesn’t matter if they win or lose. It’s in fact how you play the game. They will try their hardest to do what they are told.

Along with these benefits, a child also learns about competitiveness. At a young age, it is definitely not the focus of the game. The focus should be about having fun. But they at least get a taste of it. Sometimes when kids are younger, the referee or umpire official will say that both teams won! It’s all about confidence.

In addition, your child will learn sportsmanship. Sometimes as parents, we play games with our child and we ‘let’ them win so as to keep peace and give them confidence. Not that that is bad because it’s not. However, playing a team sport, gives them a chance at what it’s like to win and what it’s like to lose. No one likes to lose but it teaches them to accept it. It’s good to teach them at a young age to not be a sore loser and carry the confidence that they did the best they could.

You as a parent need to not take it too seriously. Keep it fun and light. Don’t be hard on them. They played a good game no matter what. Even if they have to sit on the bench most of the game, they still have the team membership. Though when young, most coaches like to rotate all the kids so everyone has a chance to play every position. Encourage your child. Go to their games. Cheer for them and the other kids on their team. It’s fun to be a spectator too. Watching a really young child as he or she kicks a soccer ball into the other team’s net is just plain good entertainment. Who cares if it was for the other team? They just gained the confidence that they could score! Most of all be proud of them for what they did and it will be a learning experience for both you and your child.

Special Education or Gifted? Your Child’s Learning Needs

jadesmith — Wed, 21 Sep 2011 19:26:48 +0000

Every child learns differently and often when parenting, it can be difficult to understand their special needs if you haven’t been either. The environment a child is in at home can greatly affect how they thrive at school. It’s usually the teacher or a counselor that will evaluate your child in their learning environment at school and will be able to classify either of these traits your child may possess.
Being classified as special education doesn’t mean your child is dumb nor lazy. It doesn’t even really mean they’re different. They just require a little extra attention when learning.
Do not be frustrated with their inability to learn like the other children. Any of their learning disabilities can be due to physical, behavioral, emotional and cognitive issues. It can affect their reading, writing, or general learning. Each child is unique and identifying their needs will help them become better students.
Your child will learn at different speeds than other children their age but there’s no need for them or you as a mom to be discouraged. Actually, be encouraged and have faith in the school system and their special education department to provide quality care for their learning needs. They may even provide occupational or speech therapy to help.
However, at home, it’s up to you to also work with them and teach them to value education rather than to be frustrated by it. It’s important to monitor their progress and encourage them when they’ve had a job well done. Remember, this isn’t a condition you can heal, it’s just something you learn to deal with and still with the factor of the level of severity your child has a special education need, will still be able to be a thriving member of society in the future. The best advice is from professionals. Ask them what you can do at home to help your child cope with their learning disability.
On the opposite side of the spectrum, there’s the gifted child. Their gifts can be somewhat amazing. Perhaps they are a whiz at math or music or reading and their educational level is accelerated beyond that of the average student their age. Their talents may even be amazing. You may even be able to notice these gifts at an early age, such as being able to read by the age of 3 for example. For some reason, it’s like your child is an oversensitive sponge of knowledge.
A counselor or professional at their learning institution will more than likely give them an IQ test. The child’s teacher will more than likely recommend it or if you notice the child has genius like qualities, you may be able to request someone to give an IQ test as well. They may excel in some areas more than others. There is a possibility that they are so intelligent that they may test out and skip grades in school.
Just keep giving them support and stimulating their thirst for knowledge. As a mom, you may feel like you don’t really want your child to be different. But being a gifted child is just that, a gift.
All children are special in their own ways but it’s important to recognize their learning abilities at an early age. As a parent, accepting your child just the way they are and supporting them throughout their learning hindrances or advances is very important.

When there’s a divorce and you’re left to raise the child alone

jadesmith — Wed, 21 Sep 2011 19:25:51 +0000

When a woman becomes pregnant, there is hopefully a father in the picture. However, if that’s not the case, one of the parents may disappear out of your child’s life. Or perhaps there’s a divorce and you’re left to raise the child alone.
It will be a tough task to do but it is possible to be two parents. If the child is young enough, yes, it will be troublesome to your child someday only have one parent, particularly when they’re at a young school age and their peers have two parents. However, the younger they are, the more of a chance that it will become a way of their life and they probably won’t question it until later as to why they only have one parent.
As a single parent, maybe the other parent is somewhat in the picture. Maybe the other parent gets visitation rights or simply just sends a signed check withholding themselves from claiming any responsibility. It will be okay. Though having two parents in the picture is easier, it can be done. More and more men and women are facing the reality of being a single parent everyday.
No, you can’t be the masculine role model as a mom or be the feminine role model as a dad. You wear both hats. As long as the child knows they’re loved by you, they will trust you to know that you’ll take care of their needs.
If as a single parent you do have shared visitation rights, whether or not you can be cordial to the other parent is imperative. You have to be the bigger person and do what’s best for your child. Communicate the best you can. Agree on a set of disciplinary rules and tools for positive reinforcement. Discuss major issues such as allergies or trips to the emergency room due to high fever. Do your best to parent as a unit even though you live separately.
You are not alone as a single parent. Due to predominance of premarital sex in which some women don’t know who their child’s father is or the statistical skyrocket of the number of divorces in the world, there are becoming more and more single parents everyday. Look for support amongst your peers for any help. According to statistics, nearly 14 million people in the United States were single parents and in the United Kingdom, there are 2.9 million people in the same situation. It’s among you like a plague. But it’s okay. You can carry both roles just fine.
Keep in mind, you may not be single forever. Be very careful when you introduce your new significant other to your child. It’s best to wait until it’s a steady, somewhat serious relationship. Otherwise, your child becomes attached and then you and your child end up brokenhearted if the relationship were to run its course.
The main thing is to just do the best you can. If they ask questions about their other parent, try to keep from bad mouthing the other. Tell the truth about who they are. Your child will someday want to know just where exactly it was that they came from. Regardless, make sure to shower them with love.

Helping Your Child Cope with Death

jadesmith — Wed, 21 Sep 2011 18:57:59 +0000

Death is obviously a difficult subject for everyone. While you may be coping with the loss of a loved one yourself, keep in mind that it will be difficult to approach the topic with your child.
Depending on the person who has passed away will determine how your child reacts. It also depends on your reaction. Everyone deals with death differently. If the person who has died is a family member, be prepared to sit down and have a talk with your child.
Depending on your religious preferences, you may explain to them that the person that you all loved has gone to heaven and that you will see them again some day. Maybe it will help your child to cope that though the person is no longer someone you can see, they are still there and always looking down on them and protecting them. Emotional reaction is variable. Perhaps your method is to celebrate the deceased person’s life.
If the person that is deceased is as emotionally attached to them, they may (and I hate to say this) kind of just shrug it off. They will probably ask questions about where they went and things like that but the reaction will be quite different. If it’s a grandparent or a closer relative or friend, be prepared for them to be initially confused. If a child’s teacher has died, schools will often offer grief counseling for faculty, parents and children, all helping the children to cope in the best way possible.
Experts recommend being frank and honest with your child. Using the phrase, “So-and-so died,” and to avoid terms such as “passed,” “expired,” or “went to sleep.” It’s because kids can be concrete in their thinking, looking for a real answer, something tangible to process, and those can be confusing phrases. They don’t understand that if their grandma “went to sleep” why she didn’t wake up.
Encourage them to express their grief whether it be through tears, writing, talking or any other ways of personal expression. Also, realize that the child may not realize that someone being deceased is a permanent thing and that they will never see them again. They may continue to ask questions and typically, children under the age of 5 don’t have a concept of death anyway.
Offer ways for your child to memorialize them. Suggest they draw a picture of them having happier times together or write a letter to them. Death may have a more profound effect on your child than you realize and this expression gives them the emotional outlet to grieve.
Be aware too that subconsciously your child may have recurring grief emotions at anniversary intervals of the person’s passing. This could continue up into adulthood.
Keep your emotions in check and try to be patient and as loving and responsive as possible, all while maintaining honesty.

Handicapped Children: Do I Have the Strength To Raise You?

jadesmith — Wed, 21 Sep 2011 18:56:55 +0000

Every mother prays that their child will come out perfect. Ten fingers, ten toes, everything normal, at birth. However, with testing while the child is still in the womb, you can often determine whether or not the child will have Down’s Syndrome. Some mothers that have had an amniocentesis test while the child is in the womb will have time to prepare themselves for what is yet to come. Perhaps they will come out with severe spinal issues and require a wheelchair, doctors saying they will never walk. There are a range of disabilities that a child can develop. Don’t be discouraged by your child’s differences. They’re still your child and you can cope. Despite being handicapped, there are still many opportunities out there so your child can make the most of their lives.
One question you may ask yourself when parenting a handicapped child is whether or not their school will accommodate for them. Sometimes putting a child with Down’s Syndrome in a mainstream school can either help or hinder them. It’s great for them to be in an environment with “normal” kids. However, is the school capable of providing proper educational needs? You may want to consider kids specialized in teaching kids with handicaps. Not only will they have a start in learning basic knowledge but can also be able to be taught through occupational and physical therapies to better thrive and become more independent.
Upon the age of 18, research whether or not there’s some sort of special job locations that only hire kids with handicaps and are designed to teach people how to perform tasks while they have special needs. This will also teach them job training and will help them feel more productive. It will be quite a confidence booster and many of their peers will be similar to them.
Regardless of whether or not your child requires special braces on their legs to walk or require a wheelchair for mobility or are missing a chromosome, remember to not blame yourself for their condition. This is a setback and yes, it can be detrimental and you may ask yourself, praying, “Do I have the strength to do this?” Some people answer that with a no and end up in special homes or with parents that can and will take care of them. If you answered yes to this question, you are already a remarkable person. It takes a lot of patience to get through the everyday struggles and challenges. There may be days that you want to throw your hands in the air and give up but don’t. Times will be difficult and there will be major obstacles but learning to deal with these and preparing yourself by doing your own homework or even seeking out other parents with disabled children who can serve as a support system will help you to find your strength.
Through love and support from your friends and family you can cope with the disabilities that your child may have. Even if your child is not physically or mentally perfect, to you they still are.

Explaining the process of where babies come from to your child

jadesmith — Tue, 20 Sep 2011 19:31:34 +0000

Where Do Babies Come From?

Do you already have a youngster and are expecting another? It’s difficult for a young child to understand what body processes are going on with their mom. You can ask a four-year-old little girl about her brother and she half expects another little four-year-old to pop out of mommy’s belly ready to play.

Explaining the process of where babies come from to your child could be something that’s kind of stressful for you. They aren’t old enough to get the full gory details of how a baby comes to be. But it’s best to find a comfortable way for you to explain it to your child.

Could it be a stork? Perhaps a gift from heaven? An angel sent to play with him or her? Their questions could include all ranges of bizarre. Yes, you will probably get a good kick out of their question. Just remember perhaps it’s best to keep it simple.

This same little four-year-old girl may think she just has a brother that’s “cooking” or “sleeping” inside mommy’s tummy. If the children are close together, the eldest child may never even process the situation quite as much as a four-year-old or an eight-year-old. Therefore, they may not ask the tough questions. “Well, mom, how did it get there?”

It’s not bad parenting to give vague answers. They’re not lies. But they’re obviously not ready to hear the truth. Older children, who may have already heard stories about the birds and the bees will not even want to think about how this process occurs without being a little bit disgusted.

When giving your vague explanation, tell your child that mommy and daddy love each other very much and that you gave each other a hug and a very special thing happened to make their family bigger. Maybe that’s too much. It’s up to you.

All they know is that there’s no tangible object to be seen but mom looks like she’s about to explode. And it’s okay to talk to them about it. No answer is wrong. My suggestion is that if you wish to elaborate a bit more, involve them in the process. Perhaps take them to the sonogram or make sure to show them sonogram pictures from your doctor’s visits. They’ll see that it’s a baby. If you’re out in public and see a baby, tell your child that there’s one of those growing in your belly. Since young children are unpredictable, it’s very hard to know if that answer will suffice them or if their curiosity will continue. You’ll have a few months to discuss it.

More than likely when the baby is born, your child will either have nothing to do with it or absolutely adore it. It will go either way. It’s tough for them to share the attention if they’re just an only child for awhile. Eventually though, they’ll understand that yes, you have to take that ‘thing’ home with you to live in your house. It’ll set in and you can continue on your happily ever after.

Teens: A kid in between being a young child and an adult

jadesmith — Tue, 20 Sep 2011 19:29:45 +0000

Teens: Who Am I?

Being a teenager is quite difficult. We have all been there. Teenagers go through puberty changes that really freak them out: hair in weird places, pimples all over, menstruating, awkward voice changes, an attraction toward the opposite sex. They also go through a phase where they think there parents know nothing. (Don’t worry, they’ll come around. You probably did.) It’s a crucial time for a teenager to learn who they are and you can help them, even though they think you know nothing. It is so tough to feel awkward.

Being a teenager is a weird phase. A kid is in between being a young child and being an adult. They feel like they look dumb if they play outside but yet aren’t old enough to drive a car yet (initial teenage years anyway). It’s a hard time because they struggle to find themselves but yet find an obligation to fit in with their peers. No kid wants to be a weird outcast at school or camp or wherever their surroundings are. A teenager’s will to find their place in society can be quite anxiety producing.

Let’s take for example that sometimes kids will hide behind their intelligence, pretending to be dumb when they’re really quite gifted. It’s supposedly not cool to be a brainiac. Or how about the kids that wear all black and the boys use eyeliner and combat boots. It’s all about self-expression. Don’t be alarmed that your kid has strange behaviors. They’re just trying to find their niche and that is greatly influenced by their peers (and the media).

It is important that you encourage your child to explore their interests. Maybe they like sports, art, music, writing, reading, etc. Take an interest in their hobbies and show your support. At a time in their lives when confidence is low, it will help boost their self esteem. Try to talk to them and tel them you were there once. They may be receptive and tell you that you don’t understand. Tell them personal stories about yourself growing up. You may get a good laugh and they get to know you and realize that you turned out okay.

The teenage years are just the beginning of self-discovery. As we continue our journey on becoming more and more independent, we uncover who we really are. (I never knew who I was until I was past the age of 25). Learning who you are is a constant and actually is quite imperative to thrive in environments that help you to grow even more as a person. They’re just beginning that phase though and we have to consider that as moms. It’s a good parenting skill to kind of just go along with their thoughts and feelings and physical appearances. It may not be your idea of how your child would be, but don’t fret over who you want them to be. They’re trying to impress you and win your approval too even though it doesn’t seem like it. Try to let them be who they are rather than who you want to be. Embrace them, love them and support them as they try to uncover the true treasure of who they really are.