Friday, April 25, 2014

Getting your teen son to converse openly with you

August 25, 2011 by  
Filed under Teen Parenting

The day to day lives of teen boys can be just as complex as those of teen girls. Sometimes parents assume that their son is not interested in discussing what’s on his mind or he does not have any issues to discuss. The truth is that many sons want to have a close relationship with their parents but the relationship does not happen because of these reasons:

Low communication skills and confidence.
Males usually have more difficulty communicating efficiently. Teenage boys frequently feel like they don’t know how to express themselves, and so are hesitant to communicate with older people, including their parents. Even when teenage boys do know the solution to a dilemma, they may be unwilling to talk about it for dread of not saying the right thing. But when they don’t know the answer, that fright is compounded.

A yearning for independence.
The strong wish to be independent can seem more obvious in teenage boys. They may not feel at ease discussing about their private lives since they want to try to work out their problems and celebrate in their successes on their own, to feel more independent. Sons y also feel uncomfortable about letting their parents in on particulars about their private lives.

Conflicting values from their parents.
As teenagers struggle to structure their lives, they may find that they don’t have the same opinions and beliefs as their parents. They could be hesitant to share their joys and troubles since they feel like their parents might judge or condemn, or because they know that their parents won’t share their opinions about what’s occurring in their lives.

 

If you son is hesitant about developing a close emotional connection with you, do not lose hope. With the right tools and rules, parents can effectively build a close bond during this time. Collaborative parent coaches have a good chance of getting past these barriers with their sons by always re-evaluating their parenting choices.

Develop an atmosphere of trust and respect
Even the most experienced parent coaches can’t force their teenage children of either sex to correspond openly. What’s vital is that parents build up an atmosphere of trust and respect that encourages a feeling of wellbeing, and that once teens do open up, parents use communication skills that encourage, rather than obstruct, further communications.

It is very important for parents to work on forming a trusting relationship with their teens. If a parent promises something, it’s crucial that they keep those promises. And it’s seriously important to respect your son’s rights to privacy. When you show your teenager that you will keep his admissions to yourself, he’ll confide in you to keep his secrets.

Respect your teen’s opinions.
Teenagers whose parents oppose or quarrel with any opinions that don’t match up with their own values are less likely to offer up any more opinions. Alternatively, teens whose parents admire their opinions whether or not they agree with them are more likely to share their feelings again.

Let your teen lead the conversation.
Listen to your son with no interrupting, and don’t give your suggestions until he asks for it. It is not a good idea to ask him questions that start with “Why did you…” since those types of questions appear like your attacking him.

In conclusion, we see that parents are usually most successful when they recognize why their sons are unwilling to open up to them and then they put in great effort to build up an atmosphere in which teens feel that it’s safe to express themselves.

Here are some great books we reccomend on rasing your teen boy!

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